Alone in a New Country with Anita Resch

Serena: Hey everyone, I'm Serena

Tina: and I'm Tina. And we are the Mental Health Mamas.

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Serena: Welcome to No Need to Explain. We are so glad you're here.

Tina: First, as always a quick disclaimer

Serena: We come to you not as mental health professionals are experts in the field, but rather as parents with lived experience who are on a mission to normalize the conversation around mental health.

Tina: If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health crisis, please seek professional support. You'll find variety of resources in our show notes and on our website,www.noneedtoexplainpodcast.com .

Serena: One of the best parts about hosting a podcast is that we get to meet some really amazing people and bring them on the air with us. And sometimes we also have really amazing people in our lives already that we bring on the podcast. So today's guest is an example of the second category. Anita Resch is a really dear friend of mine who I happen to meet because our kids are best friends. And she's here today to share some of her story with us. Anita, welcome to the podcast.

Anita: Hi Serena. Hi Tina. Hi everyone.

Tina: We are so glad you're here. So we have podcast listeners from||all around the world, including Hungary, where you are from. But the majority of our listeners are in the US. Can you give our listeners a little insight into what life is like in Hungary?

Anita: Hungary is in the middle of Europe. This is a beautiful, amazing country, but the life is very difficult there now. So we love to be there, our family is still there, but we had to make a very hard decision.||And we decided to move to the US because my husband got his work, his job on a Cornell University. He's a biologist. So this was a very good chance for us to change our life. It was hard there because we didn't have enough money to leave. We never could save anything for the future. And we had to think about our kids future, which is the most important, the learning, how they can learn and develop. This is hard now because the government changed the system there and we don't have enough teachers. I can't see their future there in this. And everything else is very difficult now.

Serena: Yeah. So as you said, you made the very difficult decision to move to the US, right? So tell us a little bit about what that process was like and how you ended up here.

Anita: Okay. So my husband tried to find a job anywhere, just not in Hungary. And he was very lucky because he found this place where we live now. This is beautiful, kind of kind of people and with||a beautiful environment. So firstly, we were very happy because it's like a trip or a holiday. You know, you've felt this firstly, but after when we moved here, after two weeks, you just realized that, oh, it's not just a holiday. You won't go back. You won't see your family for a long. They can't visit you because it's expensive and a long trip and they are getting older. So you realize this and you are here. I was here with two kids because my husband work all day. We moved here in the middle of the winter with no people around and they just stay at home and we couldn't go to school. So we didn't have any connection with the others. So we were really alone. And it's not too good. If you are depressed, you feel it's not happened what you hoped.

Tina: Super exciting at the beginning. And then it sounds like it really||did affect your mental health. The move was was difficult.

Anita: Yes. And you know, at home, we never thought about it that this, this difficult will be for me. And I never known about that I have these problems in my, my mental. And I just, we had just realized here, I was really deep in really deep. I, I was stressed. I was lost. I didn't know how, how to move on this feelings.

Tina: You had no, um, no model for that, right? I mean, we, you, it sounds like your family did not embrace mental health in any way that was open at all, right?

Anita: No, no.

Serena: Anita you and I have had this conversation that I like to like put it on the air, right? Um, about, you know, obviously, Tina and I talk about mental health all the time and we work on reducing the stigma and there's still stigma around it. But I think in the US, lots of people are talking about it, right? And people are addressing mental health challenges. Can you give us a snapshot? I mean, I, I know you're,||you're one person, but what is your sort of feelings about mental health and hungry? What is that like?

Anita: So if you say some, same, if you tell to somebody that you have a psychologist or, or, or, or just a therapist, they say, oh, are you crazy? So they don't think that this is a part of the life. And, and, and sometimes you just need a little push, a little support and you can move on your problems or, or just learn how to, to work with it. And, and yeah. So for example, when I, a beginning, I was in very deep and I just called my mom and cried and, and said, oh, it's hard. I don't know how I should say, stop this hysteria. I'm just, let's go, do it. It's nothing. You are at the right place. You are good. There you go, blah, blah, blah. And then just, okay, I'm not this hard. So they didn't understand there. And now, for example, my grandma is getting older than she has some mental problems. And when my grandpa died, I thought to my mom that maybe she wouldn't need help. But my grandma said that, no, I'm not crazy. I don't need help. I'm okay.

Tina: So much bigger stigma in your country for sure. Yeah. And I would say there are definitely people in this country who would say the same things.

Serena: Right. Um,

Tina: and we're hoping by doing what we do to slowly change that. So I'm curious, we, we're going to go from your deep dark depression, right? When you, when you got here, to, um, I find you a very connective person when we've only met twice, right? I find you very||connective. And I'm curious, like how, who are the people in your life who've helped you?

Anita: So because I like to talk, whatever I went, I had to talk. So for example, firstly, in a shop, in a grocery store, I started, but it's not the place where you can make a conversation. And the beginning, I had the language problem too. So we don't never forget this that I didn't speak in English. Well, I know in words, I know in sentence, but you can't make a connection with this. So this is hard to. So the first place where we went, this was my kid's preschool. This is, uh, the owner was amazing person. She was the teacher. She was the owner. And we didn't||have enough money to send both of my kids there, but one went there for two days per week. And she just told me into my little one that let's stay here and just listen to kids and try to play with them and make a little conversation and be here for you to talk with you. And you know,||firstly, I said it, but I don't have money for this. And she said it. No, no worries. Just enjoy. So we stayed and she and and other teacher, they held a lot. And after my husband's colleague, she, she was volunteering in a laboratory where he's working. So she didn't have to spend||the whole time there. So she had three time and she was who helped me to learn the language and open the word for me here. Yeah. So I think if you can join somewhere to a community, like, or just like a school community, that's amazing first step. So I think this this this||first of the, the one, the first one, when, when, when I started to move on my depression.

Serena: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and, and so this is not an uncommon situation for, for this area, right? It for me, I would say probably many people living in college areas where, you know, there might be a lot of international students. And so you already shared one thing with us, but I'm curious, you know, I'm sure there are people out there who are maybe finding themselves in a similar situation. Maybe, maybe they've moved to a new home. They're feeling alone. I'm struggling to find||their people, but what would you say to them? What might you suggest to them?

Anita: If they are not alone and they have a partner like, I have my husband just be open with him and to share your feelings because he helped a lot for me. So I didn't go to a therapist. I didn't do it because how I don't know the language. So I can't do it. So I went lucky because he was very patient with me. And every day when he came home very tired from the work, we, we went on a same thing. We talked. I cried. I wanted to move on, but he was patient. So just share your feelings||and, and, and, and ask help. I think this is, I asked half from him.

Tina: That's great. And, you know, I, I told you this when we had a meeting earlier. And I mean it. I think so many spouses feel what||you're feeling. I have certainly moved many times to new college communities. And some of them were very welcoming and some of them were not so welcoming. And I was a native English speaker from||this country. And so I do think we need to do better as leadership in institutions, welcoming people in, in bigger ways. And not only. So, so, you know, like you're saying, joining something helps, right? People with understanding help. I think you're personally lucky that you were||in our area is so welcoming to people from other places and comparatively. And so, and you're, I, I would be, you are lucky you found Serena Ward.

Anita: Yeah.

Tina: Amazing friends. And you were an amazing friend to her. And it made me feel better about leaving her when we moved.

Anita: I hope I won't leave her so.

Serena: So, Anita we'd like to ask our guests about what they do for||themselves, right? They're self-care.

Anita: I talk with Serena!

Tina: Good answer!

Anita: I tried to find some play dates for us. Not for the girls for us.

Serena: That is right!

Anita: Yeah, I, I started to do yoga. It's, it's really good. I really love it. You know, sometimes I'm so tired and, and just exhausted. And I don't want it. But when I make a pressure on myself, let's do it. This is good for my, your body. Good for your mental. I do it. And after I'm so calm,||it's good. It's, it's really good. Yeah. Um, I love to spend the time with my kids and it's funny. So, okay, you know, we know the kids. They have fights, which is sometimes it's not easy, but now they are getting older. So, I think I can do a conversation and it's good and I love it. ||And we, I know it's, it's, it's weird, but I love to play with them on a plays station.

Serena: It's not weird at all.

Anita: So, we found very good cooperate a playstation games, but you can play together and have each other to move on the levels. And I really love to do this with Sarah. She loves to do it. So, we both are enjoy this. It's a program now. I love this. This helped me to just forget the things what I didn't like on my day and just think about it what I love and enjoy and I just enjoy it. And I always try to think about it. Okay, it's behind and just go ahead.

Tina: But being present for sure. Yeah.

Anita: Yes. Yes.

Serena: Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Well, Anita, I really appreciate that you joined us today and I know you were very nervous, but you did awesome. It was great.

Tina: And you have such an interesting perspective that we don't have. And it's part of why we asked you here today is to share that perspective of what it's like to, again, move so far around the||world and to take good care of yourself. So, yeah.

Anita: Yeah. Thank you.

Tina: And so podcast friends, we are as always grateful for all of you listening and supporting us. You can help us out by visiting Apple podcasts. Leave us a review while you're there. If you would, subscribe and please share the podcast with others. You'll find more content on our website. No need to explain podcast.com. You will also find us on all of the socials. We would love to hear from you. We have a voicemail number which you'll find in the show notes and you can leave us a message. You could share a bit of your story. Give us some ideas for the podcast or just call to say hi.

Serena: And this is your gentle reminder to take good care of yourself while you're also taking care of your people.

Tina: Thanks so much for listening.

Serena: Bye.